Should I?
by Court Jester 21
Summary: A post-ep fic for 4x01. Will and Alicia at work after hours, BUT it's not what you think. This is raw and emotional-don't say I didn't warn you!
1. Chapter 1

_This came to me today and I wanted to get it out before tonight's episode made it irrelevant. This is raw and not exactly a romantic Alicia and Will moment, but if I decide to continue it, who knows?_

_Alicia and Will are my friends, not my characters. If you don't want me to play with my friends, don't broadcast them into my living room (wait, I take it back, don't take them away now!)_

Alicia sat at her desk staring at her computer. It was late and most of the office was dark. She hadn't seen anyone else for awhile now, and she had slowly let her guard slip away. If she could see herself now, she would correct that wrinkled brow, her awkward posture, the haggard look upon her face. She had the appearance of working, but in fact she had no idea what the words on the screen said at all. She was lost in her own thoughts, her own worries.

She should go home. She should have gone home long ago, but part of her knew she could think about it here in peace. She didn't want to take it home with her. She wanted to sort it out, compartmentalize it before stepping into her apartment. So she sat motionless at her desk while her brain whacked away at her problems.

Will saw her from a distance. Slowly he approached her office, debating whether or not to disturb her. As he got close enough to make out the details of her face, he read her concerns as if she had spelled them out in type. He knew that they were likely the last two in the building tonight; he hadn't seen anyone else as he walked through the offices. He reached for the handle to her door and opened it.

At hearing the noise, she jumped and looked up at him. "Oh! Hi Will," she said, trying to play down her surprise. Will took a seat in front of her desk. "You're working late," she commented.

"So are you," he returned. "What's wrong?"

She gave him a half smile as she shut her computer. "Oh just preparing for tomorrow. I don't think I'm getting much accomplished anymore. I should head out."

"Alicia, what is it?" he asked again, this time more insistently. He had a pretty good idea what was concerning her but he didn't want to be wrong about this.

His tone made her look up to meet his eyes. When she saw the expression on his face, she knew that he had her. He knew what was bothering her and she didn't have the defenses to fend him off right now.

Will watched her expression change as she realized what he was thinking. Her eyes lifted to the ceiling and she drew in a deep breath. He could see that she was fighting the tears welling up in her eyes.

"Oh, I'm just worrying about things that I can't change. It's nothing really." She shook her head as she spoke, hoping that he would buy it. She didn't want to do this here, not now.

Will was pained that this was upsetting her so much and he wanted so badly to put her mind at ease. He leaned forward and his face softened with the compassion he felt for her. He didn't want to force her to confide in him. What if he was wrong about this? Maybe it wasn't any of his business.

Alicia met his eyes again to see if he believed her. Her shoulders fell as she saw that he wasn't accepting her brush off. He was looking at her so tenderly that she didn't have the heart to try again. Defeated, she answered the question he was really asking. "Ok, ok, I'm afraid that someone knows about us."

"Don't be. No one knows," he replied, leaning back in the chair.

"Peggy Byrne knows. At least she knows enough to be suspicious."

"I told you I had this. I'm not talking to her or anyone else." Will's confidence was apparent in his tone. He didn't know about her testimony in the grand jury. Mistaking the disbelief he read in Alicia's eyes, he continued. "Alicia, I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt Peter. I won't tell anyone. Don't worry."

"No, no, there are others who know," she said as she shook her head.

"What others? Nobody else knows, Alicia. No one else was there. You and I are the only two people who know what we did," Will said, with a smile he couldn't suppress. The memories were just too overpowering for him. "If Peter suspects, he wouldn't leak it. Whatever Diane suspects, she won't leak it. It would be too damaging to the firm."

"Will," she said, with the tears threatening to spill onto her cheeks, "it was in my testimony to the grand jury."

"What?" he said with surprise. "What grand jury? My grand jury?"

Alicia nodded, her chin resting on her clenched fist. She was wearing the most solemn face Will had ever seen on her.

"Wh-… why didn't you tell me?" he asked incredulously.

"I don't know. Things were weird between us. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to make it worse for you."

"Alicia, tell me what was said. What did you say to the grand jury?"

Alicia blinked the tears back from her eyes. She could do this. She could be factual. "Wendy Scott-Carr asked if we had ever engaged in a sexual relationship. I was under oath. I had to say yes."

Will nodded and offered an "Ok…" before Alicia cut him off.

"There's more. She asked when it started and when it ended. Will, she implied that I received a promotion because of our…" Alicia paused to search for the appropriate term, "…connection."

A stunned look crossed Will's face before he regained control of his expression. Wearing his poker face again, he asked, "Then what happened?"

"I walked out," Alicia said as she shrugged.

"You-"

"-walked out, that's right."

"You weren't excused?" Will asked incredulously.

Alicia shook her head with a slight smile. "I guess I was pretty angry by that point."

Will returned the smile and nodded with her. He was her partner in this. He had to help her escape whatever worry she had. "So Wendy and her ASA's know," he stated.

Alicia nodded, "Yes, and the grand jury members." She took a deep breath to calm her nerves as she said, "I suspect Wendy is the one leaking it. She has a clear motive to hurt Peter."

"But if Peter is elected as governor, his office is open again and he won't be her competition. It could work in her favor if he wins the election," Will argued.

Alicia shook her head and raised her hand to her forehead. "I have to talk to Eli. I think he needs to know so he can do some damage control."

It was Will's turn to nod as he offered, "Do you want me to talk to him?"

She sighed, "No, I'll do it." She paused a moment before asking "Will it hurt the firm if he knows?"

Will responded, "It might. But if it needs to be done…"

He was leaving this decision in her hands. The firm was very vulnerable right now. Jobs were at stake, families were at stake, and he turned it all over to her. If she wanted to do this, she could. All of this swam in her head, and she closed her eyes to try and make sense of it. Her tears returned as she formulated her answer.

"Will, I don't want to hurt you either. I don't care if it hurts me or Peter or the election, but I…" Alicia's voice broke as she thought of her next words. Will leaned in closer to her, as if his proximity to her could make this all dissolve away.

"I can't let this hurt my children." Her eyes lifted to meet his as she spoke, her voice raw. A couple of tears slipped down her cheeks. "If they have to find out, they need to hear it from me, but I want to protect them from knowing if I can. They've been through so much…" Alicia's voice broke again. She knew she had to get herself under control. When she cried, it was all or nothing. She needed to stop it or she would soon be sobbing.

Alicia turned in her chair, just slightly away from Will. It was barely a shift at all, but he noticed. She stared through the glass wall as she blinked away tears and tried to control her breathing.

Will's heart broke. He wanted to sit there and cry with her. He wanted to go to her and hold her and tell her it would be alright. He wanted to say something to make her laugh uncontrollably. He wanted to tell her she was the most beautiful human being he had ever seen right now. But he kept himself planted in his seat and gave her the time she needed.

When he couldn't stand the silence any longer, he said, "If it's in danger of getting out anyway, Eli would know then. Everyone would know, and that could hurt the firm. If you need to tell Eli, that's fine. It's completely your decision."

Alicia nodded. She was still turned away from him, and she met his face now and said, "Thank you, Will." She raised her hand to her face to wipe away the tears that had landed there.

Silence over took the room again. Now it felt awkward. Their clinical post-mortem conversation about their relationship had taken the beauty out of their moments together. Will's special memories were causing Alicia pain. He could do nothing to help her. Afraid that his presence was making things worse, he stood up silently to leave. He tried to think of something to say, something to ease this moment, and nothing came to him. He continued toward the door.

"Will," she implored, and he turned back to face her. "I meant what I said. I don't regret it. I don't. I just don't want my children to have to experience any more pain on my behalf. That's all this is about."

Will nodded and turned back toward the door. His brain was headed in about a million directions at once. He reached for the door handle and his hand froze. The question that had been on the tip of his tongue for months came out without warning, "Are you going back to Peter?" He didn't turn to face her this time. He was ashamed of his weakness and he didn't want to see what his question did to her, but he wanted an answer.

Alicia was caught off guard. She knew how to answer this for her children, for the reporters and for Peter. She didn't know how to answer for Will. She did know that she couldn't lie to him. After a moment, she told him the truth. "I don't know. We are supposed to be working on it, but I honestly don't know what I'm doing."

Alicia saw Will's head bob up and down from behind as he offered her a nod. It seemed like forever before his hand turned the handle and the door swung open. He was walking out the door and was almost out of earshot when she asked, "Should I?"

Will didn't come back into her office, but turned in the doorway. As she met his eyes, she said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't…I just don't know who to talk this through with." Her answer was weak and her shoulders sagged with defeat. She held his eye contact as he gave his answer.

"That's up to you, Alicia. Any advice I would offer would be purely selfish." Will turned and walked away from her into the darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

_Ok, I have ideas swimming in my head, and I'm going to race against Sunday to get them all out before next week's episode. Let's see how quickly I can update—you know this is a challenge for me!_

_Once again, just playing around here. Nobody is mine, I claim nothing but an overactive imagination._

Alicia wanted to kick herself. Both literally and figuratively. The elevator doors opened onto the parking level and she walked towards her car. Keys in hand, she pressed the button to unlock the doors and climbed inside. She knew it was stupid before she even did it, but she punched the steering wheel. It didn't make her feel any better, so she punched it again.

Satisfied that she was now the dumbest person alive, she buried her face in her hands for a moment. If only she could hide away forever. But she couldn't, so she started the car and drove home.

How could she have asked him that? How terrible it must have made him feel! His words kept replaying in her mind,_ Any advice I would offer would be purely selfish. _She hated that they'd left things that way, but how could she fix that? It felt as if the Grand Canyon were between them now. Maybe it would be best to give it a few days before she spoke with him again. Maybe they could smooth things over then.

But she couldn't keep her mind off of what Will was doing now. Did he go home? Was he still in his office, feeling as miserable as she was? Was he drowning his sorrows in tequila? Was he heading to a bar in search of a companion for the night?

Alicia quietly walked into her apartment. She'd texted the kids and told them she'd be late and to go to bed. She assumed from the silence she found inside that they were both asleep. A glance at their bedrooms showed that their lights were off. Good enough, she thought.

Dropping her bag in the hall, she headed straight to the kitchen and got her bottle of tequila off of the top of the refrigerator. She knew she couldn't drink enough to feel better, not tonight with work in the morning, but every little bit would help. Maybe Grace was right. Maybe not. Tonight, she didn't care.

Finishing her first glass in one swallow, she poured a second and headed to her bedroom. She went through the motions of preparing for bed, but she knew she wouldn't sleep. She returned to the kitchen for one last glass, which she took with her to bed. She sat on the bed, propped up by pillows, in the dark room. She sipped the tequila and hated herself.

In the morning, she knew what she had to do. As soon as she arrived at work, she headed for Eli's office. He was in a meeting with a man she didn't recognize. Alicia wasn't working closely enough with Eli to know all of his clients. She returned to her office and started her work day.

Diane came and went. Kalinda came and went. Diane called her into a meeting about a new case. When she returned again, Eli was not in his office. She answered emails, returned calls for her phone messages, filed the paperwork she'd been neglecting. She looked up as Eli was returning to his office. She stood quickly and followed him before he was interrupted.

Standing in his doorway, she asked, "Eli, can I have a few minutes?"

Eli was distracted, searching for something on his desk. He absently nodded, then asked, "Is it quick?"

Alicia answered honestly, "Probably not. It can wait if you're busy, but we should probably talk today."

"Is it about a case?" he asked, still searching through papers on his desk.

Alicia took a deep breath. "No, it's about the campaign."

This got Eli's attention. His head snapped up from his work, his wide eyes meeting hers. He straightened himself and said, "Ok, give me two minutes to finish this and we'll talk." He motioned for her to sit and she did. Her stomach was doing somersaults as it tied itself into knots, but she knew it had to be done.

Will had missed Alicia all morning. He wasn't sure if she was avoiding him, but he did want to see her. A glance was better than nothing. As he walked past Eli's office, he saw Alicia sitting alone, apparently waiting for Eli. He managed to catch her attention. Their eyes met, and Will could read in her expression that she was nervous.

With a tilt of his head and raised eyebrows, Will silently asked her if she needed his help. Alicia gave him the tiniest shake of her head to tell him no. She didn't want to bring him into this. Will gave a slight nod and walked on. He continued to his office, though that wasn't where he had been headed. He poured a drink, had a seat and waited to see what would happen next.

Eli came back into his office, and Alicia stopped him. "You're going to want to shut the door," she stated calmly.

Eli closed his office door and had a seat at his desk. He gestured with his hands that he was ready for her to begin, and said, "Okay, what's up?"

Alicia's mouth went dry. Her mind went blank. She knew what she needed to say, but she hadn't planned out how to phrase it. Luckily, she was a lawyer. She could do this. She took a deep breath and dove right in.

"I slept with Will Gardner," she stated quickly. "And I think Peggy Byrne knows."

Eli's jaw dropped and then he quickly shut it again. He searched the room, as if looking for an answer. He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it. Internally, Alicia thought this might have been what she looked like when Kalinda told her that the new client was her husband.

"How would Peggy know? What did she say?" Eli asked, trying to mask the frantic feelings that were rushing up inside.

"When I was called to testify in Will's grand jury, I was questioned about the nature of my relationship with Will. I was under oath and I had to tell the truth." Alicia paused to let out a sigh and check Eli's reaction before she continued. "Now those records were sealed, so no one outside of the grand jury should have knowledge of them. Someone must be leaking information. My guess is that it's Wendy."

Eli started at the mention of her name. "Wendy Scott-Carr? What does she have to do with any of this?"

"She was the special investigator in charge of Will's case. Peter put her in charge. She was the one asking the questions."

Eli quickly stood and began pacing the room. "Ok, ok. What does Peggy know?"

Alicia hesitated before she answered. "I'm not sure. She asked to do an interview with Will, about our work together. Will suggested she speak to Diane, but Peggy insisted it be him. Will blew her off, but she's getting information somewhere."

Eli put his hands to his waist as he marched through the office, studying the ceiling for solutions.

"Eli, I wanted you to know so you can be prepared for damage control if it comes out. And I need a favor from you." Alicia knew she was treading on thin ice here.

Eli's head snapped back to look at her. Alicia saw all of the anger that he'd been holding back suddenly evident in his face and his tone.

"You slept with your boss and you want a favor?" he shouted at her. Alicia quickly looked up to see if anyone had heard him. It was a rare moment when no one lingered at the tables between their offices. And fate shined on them, as there was no one else in sight. Eli realized his error and quickly lowered his voice to an angry whisper. "Alicia, you've ruined your husband's campaign and my reputation. I'll probably never work in Chicago again, and you want a favor?"

Alicia stood now to meet him. "Eli, let's drop the dramatics. This is nothing yet. It has the potential to become something, and that's why I brought it to you. This is your job, it's what you do. I know that I've made it harder for you, but this is what you do every day. What's done is done, but I still need that favor. With all that's happened I had hoped that you would understand the position that I'm in."

Eli deflated a bit, his anger dissipating minutely. It wasn't much, but it was enough for him to listen to her calmly. "Ok, let's have it."

"Zach and Grace don't know. I'd prefer to keep it that way. But if this is coming out, I need to be the one to tell them. I need to you let me know if you think that it's getting to the press"

"Ok, ok. Give me some time to come up with a plan and I'll talk with you then." Alicia stood to leave. Before she reached the door, Eli continued, "And I'm talking to your boyfriend about this too."

Alicia turned sharply. "No. No, Eli. I've talked to him, and he knows not to say anything. He won't discuss it. He's out of this now, and it will stay that way."

At first Alicia thought Eli was going to argue with her, and then his face showed that he'd conceded on that point. "Is it still going on?" Eli asked.

"No, we ended it before Will's grand jury. It's been over 6 months now."

"Ok," Eli stated, "We'll talk later."

Alicia left the office and returned to her own. She could feel Eli's eyes watching her. It was too hard to concentrate with all of this weighing on her. She wished she didn't work in a fish bowl, but she tried to put it out of her mind and concentrate on her work.

"Will, that was the most pointless staff meeting ever! If we call a staff meeting for such petty issues, people are going to stop coming. Don't call it an emergency if it's not!" Diane raved as she walked away from him and returned to her office. Will smiled that his plan had worked. He managed to give Alicia and Eli time away from the rest of the staff to discuss their issues. As much as he knew he didn't have a part in their problems any more, he was glad he'd found an opportunity to help. He returned to his office with a slight smile, despite the weight of their secret upon his shoulders.


	3. Chapter 3

_Next installment—enjoy!_

_These guys are like my Barbie dolls, I don't own Barbie, I don't own them. Just a little grown up fun!_

Will could stand the tension no longer. It hadn't even been a half hour since the end of his "staff meeting" and he was dying to know what had happened with Alicia and Eli. He stood, file in hand, to walk in the direction of their offices. He tried to seem as if he were on an errand, a work related errand of course.

As he approached, he spotted Eli at his desk, and as he rounded the corner, Alicia at hers. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Eli watching Alicia so he chose not to stop in her office. There was no reason to make this situation any worse. He continued down the hallway past his office. He made another few brief stops before entering his office again. He wasn't getting any real work done today, and he knew he wouldn't until he could get this off of his mind. Sitting down in his favorite chair, he pulled out his cell phone.

Alicia had finally managed to get engrossed into her work when her cell phone vibrated on the desk. She reached for it blindly, and had to read the message twice to believe it.

_Lunch?_

It was from Will.

She paused, then began to type _I don't think that's a good idea,_ when another message from him came through.

And then

_Elevators?_

Well he had certainly gotten her attention! She picked up her bag as if she were heading out to lunch and walked toward the elevators. Will was waiting, typing away on his phone. He didn't even look up at her. When the elevator arrived, Will blindly walked toward the doors, still typing. Alicia followed silently and then they were alone in the elevator.

"That was a very funny joke," she started.

"I thought you could use a laugh," he deadpanned. "So you told him?" He was still not making eye contact with her. He stared at the doors ahead of them, hands in his pockets.

"I did."

"How'd he take it?"

"Pretty well, considering. He was angry of course."

Will chanced a glance at Alicia. She seemed unharmed. By now, she must be accustomed to Eli's rages.

"So what's next?"

"He wants to talk more later. He's working on a plan."

The elevator dinged as they were approaching the ground floor. "Ok, well keep me in the loop."

Alicia nodded as the doors opened.

Will looked back over his shoulder as he stepped out of the elevator. "And anything you need just let me know."

She nodded again and smiled. Will took a right out the front of the building and she took a left. There would be no consorting today. Alicia searched for a place to grab a quick bite to eat before she could return to her office under the guise that she had been on a quick lunch break.

Later that afternoon, Eli knocked on the clear glass of her office door. When she nodded, he entered and sat down in front of her desk.

"Ok, I've had some time to make rough plans. First I need to know, does Peter know about any of this?"

Alicia tilted her head to one side, unsure how exactly to answer. "He's suspicious at least. My guess is that he has read the sealed grand jury proceedings, but I can't be sure of that. It's also just as likely that Cary told him, but I can't be sure of that either."

"Wait, Cary?" Eli asked. "The new guy? He knows too?"

Alicia nodded. "He was in the grand jury."

Eli rolled his eyes and muttered, "Of course he was!" Eli settled into his seat and began again, "Ok, well for now I will try to keep Peter out of it. So what we need is to figure out where we are vulnerable here. Who might know, who is leaking information and what proof is flying around out there. If this story is going anywhere, they have to find some proof. If we can eliminate the proof, we should be able to keep the story under wraps."

Alicia nodded along with Eli, not certain where this was going.

Eli continued, "Ok, so when you two got together, where did you meet?"

"Eli!" Alicia exclaimed, wearing a shocked expression on her face.

"Alicia, this isn't personal. This is business." When Alicia still didn't look convinced that she should trust him, he said, "Look, I can't contain this story unless I know what to contain. I need to know where they would find something if they looked."

She nodded slightly, and turned just a bit toward the window. She didn't make contact with Eli's eyes as she spoke. "We were careful. We never left together. We always drove separately. We would meet at his apartment or mine or at a hotel."

"Ok, who paid for the hotels?"

"He did."

"Ok, why?"

Alicia shot him a look that could have frozen his tiny Jewish soul. "That's not your business, Eli."

"But I'm trying to help you here, Alicia."

"No, we don't have attorney-client privilege Eli. What I say to you is not necessarily confidential. We can discuss this professionally relating only the logistical details, or we don't discuss it."

Eli opened his mouth to argue, but knew it was useless. Alicia tended to get her way and so he gave up on that front.

"Ok then, I need a list of the hotels and the dates. I need the dates you meet at either of the apartments and his address."

"Eli! Don't you think that's overstepping?" Alicia paused as a realization hit her. "You've talked to Peter! You are doing his dirty work for him!" Alicia was about to jump out of her chair in anger.

Eli leaned forward on his seat to answer her, "No! No! That's not true. Just listen to me here. There are going to be hotel bills and surveillance videos for those occasions. You give me the list of where to look and it's more likely that I can make those pieces of evidence disappear before someone else finds it. What I'm asking is for you to draw me a map."

"Ok," Alicia whispered quietly, as if she were speaking to herself. "I'll work on it and get it to you tomorrow."

Eli nodded. "I'll try to leave Will out of this as much as possible. Normally, I would insist on talking to him myself, but in this case, I'll trust your judgment."

"Thank you, Eli," Alicia offered.

"One more thing, I'll need some help with making the evidence disappear. I'd like to ask Kalinda to work on that end of things."

Alicia looked up, stunned by his latest decision. Eli mistook her silent stare for agreement and stood up to leave. The more Alicia thought about it, it did make sense. Kalinda did things like that all the time and she was very good at it. Kalinda was their best chance of making this go away.

"Eli," Alicia called after him before he left her office, "wait until tomorrow to talk to Kalinda."


	4. Chapter 4

_Boy, am I on a roll now or what? This one's got some Alicia/Kalinda in it!_

_I do not own any of them, I do not own them on a boat, I do not own them on a goat, I do not own them here or there, I do not own them anywhere. . . _

Alicia sighed as she pulled out her day planner and a blank sheet of paper. This felt like a ridiculous task, but she knew she had to do it. She started jotting down notes and piecing together what she could of their past. She carefully dissected her memory of their time together. Sometimes she smiled before she could remember that this wasn't a happy moment. This was serious.

Alicia laid down her pen—there was no way she was putting this in an electronic form. She stared at her list and tried to remember what she was missing. She knew that she didn't have everything on her list. She flipped back through her cell phone for old text messages and phone calls, trying to jog her memory of the events.

An hour later, frustrated and exhausted, Alicia gave up. She knew the list wasn't complete, but it was close. The only other person that could help her now was. . . no, she wasn't going to go there.

She stood up from her desk and stretched and decided to go off in search of Kalinda. Roaming around the 28th floor, she asked around. Kalinda had headed to the 27th floor, so Alicia followed. From there, she was told Kalinda went up to the 29th floor. After searching there, she was told that Kalinda had gone back downstairs.

The elevator was full of people heading home. A glance at her phone told her that it really was that late in the day, and she'd hardly accomplished any work today. Alicia stepped out onto the 28th floor, ready to give up on Kalinda. Instead, she nearly walked right into her.

"Oh, there you are!" Alicia exclaimed. "Can we grab a drink tonight?"

"Sure," Kalinda said. "When are you heading out?"

"Whenever," Alicia replied with a shrug.

"Ok, can I come find you when I'm done? It should only be about a half hour or so."

Alicia agreed and they parted ways. Alicia wasn't looking forward to any of this, but she was going to grin and bear it. She had made the decisions that lead her here, and now she had to deal with the consequences.

She walked back toward her office, and came across Will coming out of his. He didn't look like he was heading home yet. She made a split second decision to ask for his help. He had said he would help with anything she needed, right?

"Hi Alicia," he started. "You made it through the day." He grinned at her, knowing she would catch his meaning.

"I did," she returned with a grin of her own. "Will, if you have a minute, there's something in my office that I'd like you to take a look at."

"Sure," he agreed and followed her. They walked in an awkward silence towards her office. They really had nothing to discuss that could be said in a public hallway.

Alicia closed the door behind them, and grabbed her list from the file on her desk. Will remained standing and Alicia followed suit.

"So Eli wants to eliminate any of the evidence that could be used as proof of an affair," Alicia stated.

Will was startled by her use of the word "affair", but did his best to hide it behind a straight face. Was that how she thought of it? Was that how she referred to it? He had many other characterizations that he would choose over "affair", but he didn't know what she thought. He snapped out of his own thoughts to listen to Alicia's next words.

"He asked me to make a list of dates and places we met. He's going to have Kalinda determine if there is any evidence and do what she can to get rid of it," Alicia explained. "I put together a list, but I think there are some things missing. Would you mind taking a look?"

Will nodded and took a seat in a chair in front of her desk. Instead of stepping behind her desk, Alicia sat in the chair accompanying Will's. Will pulled out his phone and began checking dates. He grabbed a pen from her desk and jotted in some of his own notes. While she was waiting, Alicia noticed that Eli's office was dark, and she hoped that he had gone home for the day.

Will couldn't explain the panic that was rising in his chest as he stared at the dates. This was just so cold, and yet their meetings had been anything but cold. It made his memories into just another investigation, another day at work. His affections for Alicia were completely isolated from work, he'd tried his best to always keep the two separate. Looking at it all so clinically was taking its toll on him. He needed to get it under control soon, or finish the list soon, before he exploded here in Alicia's office chair.

Taking a breath to reign in his emotions, he handed the pen and paper back to Alicia. "I added these," he pointed out. "Does that look right to you?"

Alicia nodded. "Yes, I'm sorry to have to ask you for this. Thank you. I think we've got everything now."

Will wanted to laugh. He knew what she meant, but he was nowhere close to having everything. He knew he needed to leave, but he couldn't. His feet seemed glued to her floor, preventing him from standing. Instead he turned in his chair to face her and said, "It is kind of weird, isn't it? Thinking of all that?"

Alicia smiled, and Will saw a sign of relief that someone else knew how she felt. "Yes, it is weird. I'm really sorry about all of this. I just hope that we can prevent any damage from being done."

"Me too," Will replied as he was finally able to stand up to leave. "Have a good night, Alicia," he spoke as he turned away from her. He knew that she had no idea what damage had already been done.

Alicia sat at her desk to recopy their haphazard notes into something more comprehensible. She organized the list chronologically, and all in her own handwriting as she hoped to avoid any allusion to Will's involvement. When she reached the end of her new list, she went back to the beginning and counted up each line.

28.

28 occasions.

28 meetings.

She couldn't help but think that was more than Peter's. She shook her head to clear her thoughts as Kalinda walked into her office.

"Are you ready to go?" she asked.

Alicia nodded and grabbed her things, being sure to tuck the list away in her locked drawer before leaving.

When they entered the bar, Kalinda headed for a familiar bar stool. Alicia, not being able to get her attention any other way in the loud environment, gently grasped her elbow, and pointed to a table towards the back. Kalinda couldn't hide her surprised expression, but Alicia was going to risk being overheard.

They took their seats and waited awkwardly for someone to take their order. Alicia searched around before she stood and said, "I'll head to the bar and grab some shots."

Alicia returned a few moments later with two shots of tequila and two beers. She set them on the table, and they both took their shots quickly. Sucking on her lime, Kalinda asked, "So what's up? You're weird today."

Alicia nodded, "I know." She pushed the empty shot glass and leftover lime wedge toward the edge of the table and leaned forward. "There's something I have to tell you. I had an affair with Will." Alicia studied Kalinda's face but found no reaction to her news.

"I know," Kalinda stated.

"What?" Alicia asked in shock, "Who told you?"

"No one had to tell me. I know you, I know Will. It wasn't a difficult puzzle to piece together. Look, I did have a few conversations with Will, but he never told me anything about the two of you. I could just tell by his tone when you were together and when it ended. I'm perceptive." Her last sentence was uttered in her typical flirty Kalinda tone, with a tip of her beer glass as she raised it to her lips.

"Ok," Alicia's mind was still reeling from the revelation Kalinda had dropped on her. Were others in the office so perceptive? Did everyone already know? Eli hadn't known. Alicia guessed that was a good sign. "So, I was questioned about Will during my grand jury testimony, and it seems that someone may be leaking information. There's a reporter working on an article about Peter that's sniffing around Will. Eli is working on damage control, and he's going to ask for your help."

"Ok," said Kalinda. "Thanks for the heads up." She took another sip of her beer, then stood up. "We need another round of tequila."

When Kalinda returned, there were 4 shot glasses in her hands. After they'd both finished their second round, Kalinda said, "For the sake of being honest, if you hadn't brought this up, this thing with Eli, I would have refused to help when he asked. I've told him I won't work on anything for Peter Florrick."

Alicia looked at her in surprise, and she continued, "Alicia, there's nothing between us and I would never want you to think I was doing him any favors. I'd just as soon never see him again."

Alicia nodded and swallowed her third shot. By this time, the world was becoming a bit hazy. "Thanks," she said to her empty shot glass.

There was an awkward silence for a moment. Kalinda kept up with Alicia and finished off her third shot. She normally would only drink this much alone, not trusting anyone else with herself in such a condition, but she felt that the circumstances tonight required it.

"So as long as we're being honest," Alicia started," have you ever slept with Will?"

Kalinda's head jerked up in surprise. "No, Alicia I haven't. I wouldn't."

She didn't miss Alicia's smile of relief. "Ok, because we just can't keep sharing men," Alicia joked. Kalinda returned the smile and sipped from her glass of beer.

"Well, I'm not Will's type and you wouldn't get along with my husband anyway," Kalinda carried on the joke.

Alicia opened her mouth to make a comment, but Kalinda cut her off. "No, no, don't ask. It'll take more tequila and a whole lot more time for that story to come out."

Alicia nodded her head in understanding. "Ok then, well if you defer on that question, you'll have to answer the next one." Alicia took a big gulp of her beer. "Well, we're getting along. We're a little tipsy. I think it's time to hear what happened with you and Peter." She tilted her head down and peered up at Kalinda to ensure her that she was serious.

Kalinda shook her head. "Alicia, I don't think. . ." she started.

"Come on, what better time is there? I'm not mad anymore. I'm not really with Peter anymore. I think I was always more mad at him than I was at you anyway. Yes, it's stupid to sleep with someone else's husband, but what happened with Will and I gave me some perspective in that department."

"But Alicia," Kalinda started again.

"Look, I was pissed at you because I needed to be. Peter and I were just getting back to normal when I found out. Peter had told me that there was no one but Amber Madison, and so when I found out about you, I think I was more mad at his lying to me again than anything. We had moved on and were doing really well when this just blew up in our faces. I'm not so angry about it anymore. Besides, I'm a big girl and I'm the one asking the question. I wouldn't ask if I didn't want to hear the answers. So what happened?"

Kalinda knew she was in a delicate position. If she refused to answer, it would break some of the trust she and Alicia had built back up. She'd have to choose her words carefully. "Ok, but don't you think we need more alcohol to have this conversation?" she asked with a smile.

"I guess a little more wouldn't hurt," she smiled back and stood to take her turn heading to the bar.

She returned with two more shots and they downed them quickly. "Ok," she turned to Kalinda, "Spill it!"

"Ok, so you know he was my boss?"

"Yes, it's a familiar concept for me," Alicia said as she nodded and smiled again.

"So just after I was hired, I explained my problems with my husband. He was looking for me and I needed a new name. It was a big risk to take, but I didn't know where else to go. I asked for his help in establishing a new identity. He asked for one night in exchange for his help." Kalinda looked down at the table, awaiting Alicia's answer.

"Ok, that makes sense." Alicia paused as she considered whether she should ask the question that was burning on her lips. "But, did you go all 'Kalinda' on him?"

"What does THAT mean?" Kalinda asked with surprise in her expression.

"I mean, 'these are better than subpoenas'" she gestured to Kalinda's chest, quoting Kalinda from one of their first cases together. "Did you use your charms to elicit attention from him, or was that all his idea?"

Kalinda stared down at the table again. "I don't know. I don't remember. I try not to think about it."

"Then you probably did, right?"

"Alicia. . ." Kalinda said with a pained expression.

"No, really, it's not a big deal," Alicia waved her hand across the space above the table to illustrate her point. "It just helps to know what the circumstances were, you know?"

They were both quiet for a few minutes. After Kalinda had thoroughly examined the wood grain on the table, she glanced back up at Alicia. She looked up just in time to see Alicia wipe her cheek, as if she were crying. Kalinda felt a knife go through her heart at the thought of hurting Alicia this way.

Alicia glanced up at the same time and realized that Kalinda had seen her. She rolled her eyes and gave a light smile, trying to play it off. "I'm married to a schmuck. He's the father of my children and we've shared our lives together, but he's still a schmuck!"

Kalinda tried to share her odd mix of humor and melancholy. "You know, they have this new thing now. It's called divorce."

Alicia nodded with a somewhat sarcastic smile, wiping away another tear before it fell. "It's just not that easy," she said, quickly meeting Kalinda's eyes and the averting them away again. "Ok, well now that that's all out on the table, I'm going to go," she said with a slight chuckle. She stood up quickly and realized how much alcohol she'd had in such a short time. She could feel the effects of it now that she was on her feet.

"Alicia, I don't want. . ." Kalinda started before Alicia cut her off again.

"No, Kalinda, I'm fine, really. This is nothing new. It just is what it is," she said with a shrug. The she offered a slight smile as she said, "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Kalinda nodded and Alicia turned to walk away. Kalinda was considering moving up to the bar to continue to drown her messed up self in tequila. Alicia turned back to face her again, laying a hand on the table to steady herself.

"Kalinda, I thought if I blamed you it would make me feel better. I thought if it were entirely your fault, I would somehow figure out how to put my marriage back together again. But I don't feel better and anger hasn't fixed my marriage. You don't deserve that kind of blame, and I'm sorry." One look at Alicia's face told Kalinda that she was sincere, alcohol or no alcohol.

"No, Alicia, I'm the one that's sorry," Kalinda argued

"Ok then," Alicia smiled again, still with tears glistening in her eyes. "We're both pretty sorry!" They shared a quick laugh at her double meaning and then Alicia said, "Good night Kalinda," and walked away in search of a cab.


	5. Chapter 5

_This chapter is up to date with all previews and sneak peeks for the upcoming episode "Two Girls, One Code" Hoping that I don't look foolish on Sunday _

_Thank you for creating such wonderful characters, I've been having such fun with them! (And in case that's not clear, by saying thank you, I'm acknowledging that they're not mine.)_

It had been a couple of days since Alicia's night at the bar with Kalinda. A couple of days without drama. A couple of days where she actually clocked billable hours and felt good about her job. She was trying to forget what her personal life held for her and put everything she had into her work.

Sure, she'd seen Kalinda and Eli consorting about what was undoubtedly her little trouble. She'd seen Kalinda come and go, as she was busy cleaning up the evidence Will and Alicia had left behind. But she hadn't thought about it. She hadn't let herself think about it. There wasn't a need for that, right? Wasn't this all going to just go away?

She was meeting with a client in her office, when out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Eli slam down the phone and come running out of his office. Her heart rose up into her throat and somehow began beating twice as fast as before. Eli stopped at her door when he saw she was with a client, and began waving his arms frantically at her, as if he didn't already have her attention. Using crude sign language, which Alicia had begun to learn from all of his motions directed at her through glass walls, he told her to come to his office when she was finished.

Luckily, her client wasn't too bright and never even noticed the disruption. At first Alicia was surprised at this, and then the more she thought about this particular client, she wasn't surprised at all.

She wrapped things up, sent the client towards the elevators and calmly walked towards Eli's office. She didn't feel calm at all. She felt as if she would sweat through her embroidered suit, as if she must be glowing bright green and the entire firm was staring at her. Of course, they weren't. Alicia told herself she was overreacting as she stepped into Eli's office.

"Eli, you wanted to see. . ." she was cut off by Eli's slamming the door shut behind her.

"I just got off the phone with Mandy Post. She seems to have a copy of a hotel receipt." Eli was obviously containing the anger he felt at the situation, and she appreciated this.

Alicia stared blankly at the wall behind his desk for just a moment, and then asked, "Is she going to press with this?" Her concern was evident on her face.

"She hopes to. I'm meeting her later to get a look at this receipt. I told her I needed to see it to believe it. Hopefully that will buy us some time." Eli paused, knowing he was stepping out onto thin ice. "I think it's time to bring Will in on this."

Alicia had been processing the reality of this getting out, but she snapped back to attention now. "No, you get a look at this receipt and see if it's legitimate. If it holds any weight, I'll talk to Will."

"Ok," Eli said quietly with a bow of his head.

As she was about to leave his office, Alicia stopped to say, "Eli, please don't share this with Peter until we know more about it." Eli nodded and Alicia returned to her office.

She walked through the rest of the day in a fog. This shouldn't surprise her. She knew that this was probably coming. That was why she'd gotten Eli involved. She couldn't help but feel that her life was spiraling out of her control yet again. Diane asked her a question in a meeting, and she didn't know how to answer. Kalinda commented on it being her turn to be somewhere else today. She was working a case with Will, but he never asked about their ordeal, and she never told him.

The next morning, Eli stepped into her office to share the details he'd learned the night before. This receipt seemed real. He told her the date and the name of the hotel. It wasn't on her list of dates, so maybe it was a fabrication. Maybe it was a hole in their memories of the events. She knew that their list may not have been complete. Eli asked her to speak to Will, and she agreed.

As Eli left, she glanced at her watch. She had to be in court with Will soon. She didn't want to do this to him before court, but he needed to know. The sooner the better.

Alicia spent a few minutes finishing up the necessary work that had to get done before their court session. She reviewed the notes. She couldn't process any of the information in front of her. She organized the notes instead, hoping to be able to reference them more quickly while they were in court. She collected everything she needed into her bag and took off towards Will's office.

She met Will just as he was coming out of his office. It must be later than she'd thought. He looked like he was heading out to court now, holding his briefcase in his hand. The tense look on her face was enough to stop him in his tracks. He said nothing. He didn't ask her what was wrong. He just stepped aside so that she could come in.

Will shut the door and set his briefcase down in an empty chair. Alicia had seated herself in one of the chairs facing his desk, still wearing her bag over her shoulder. He couldn't help noticing how pale she looked as he took a seat facing her.

Alicia jumped right in, "Were we together on September 30th last year?" Waiting for Will to answer, she took a breath to steel her nerves.

Will considered the question before he replied, "Together? I don't know. Why?"

"At a hotel?" Alicia offered, with a gesture of her hand that she couldn't control. Mentally, she kicked herself for not being able to contain the emotion in her voice either.

Alicia's body language had Will worried. Whatever this was, it was seriously bothering her. "Maybe, I don't know," he answered.

"But you paid. I don't remember. It was that hotel downtown, the Fairmont," Alicia stated. She desperately wanted him to contest it. To tell her he'd been somewhere else that night. She wanted him to have an alibi. Any alibi, whether it was a basketball game or another woman. At this point, she didn't care.

"I can look," Will responded quickly. His heart rate was increasing with the intensity of their conversation.

"Thanks," Alicia replied, glancing down. Now she needed to put it all into context for him. Frame it and wrap it up with a nice, pretty bow. Happy Birthday Will. "Mandy Post says she has a copy of the receipt," she said with a matter of fact tone.

Will racked his brain trying to think how he could have lost a receipt. He was never the most organized person, more concerned with other aspects of life, but he was careful when it came to her. He knew his carelessness could hurt her. Will shook his head as he said, "I don't see how she could."

"Well Eli needs something to refute her." Alicia's tone betrayed the defeat she felt inside.

"She's going to print it?" Will asked. He was on the edge of his seat. He never thought this could happen. It was always a distant possibility, but they never meant for this to happen.

Alicia rolled her eyes and shrugged. She swallowed the lump rising in her throat as she spoke. "Eli's having a meeting with her tonight to convince her not to," she said.

"I'll look right away," Will offered, almost cutting off her last words. He couldn't believe that this could be happening to them. They were supposed to be happy. Together and happy. Not like this.

Alicia nodded her thanks this time, and stood up to leave for court. The sooner she got on with her work, the sooner she would start to feel better, right?

"You okay?" Will asked, as he reached for her and missed. Somehow, that seemed appropriate. Another example of bad timing. He always reached for her as she was walking away. He almost chuckled to himself at the irony of it.

Alicia turned back to face him as she said, "I don't know." She couldn't tell him the truth. The truth would hurt him too much. She couldn't say that she felt terrible, she felt as if she were going to implode. She knew that he would feel responsible for anything that happened because of this. She couldn't lay that on him.

After a pause, she offered a glimpse of her true feelings. She rolled her eyes to fight the tears welling up inside them, but she couldn't mask what they did to her voice. "I feel cursed," she said as she turned and walked out of his office.

He watched her walk away. He couldn't help but wonder if this was it. If this is what would dash his last hopes of ever finding happiness with her. This feeling was worse than being told off by Diane on the roof, worse than nearly being indicted, worse than being suspended. It was all out of his hands.

Unless he could produce some proof that this receipt wasn't real. Every fiber of his being wanted to search for proof right away, but he couldn't. He was due in court. With Alicia.

"This should be fun," he muttered under his breath as he picked up his briefcase and left his office.


	6. Chapter 6

_Here we go again-and they're still not my characters! Please enjoy!_

Will stepped into court, hoping that no one would notice his jitters. He was not normally shaken, but with so much at stake, he was struggling with himself. He took his seat beside Alicia. He didn't look at her and didn't say anything about their conversation just 15 minutes earlier. He knew they were both thinking about it more than this case, and that was enough. For the client's sake, they needed to focus.

Kalinda and Cary were seated behind them when the court was called to order. The proceedings began, and Will went through the motions of leading the case. Viola was interviewing the witness. He tried to pay attention. He followed the witness' testimony, and it seemed to be as suspected. He would have to question her next. He would have to focus.

Beside him, Alicia cleared her throat. She looked to him and just as he realized what was happening, she whispered his name, "Will!"

"Objection your honor!" Will shouted, standing quickly.

"On what grounds?" the judge asked.

Will looked to Alicia, who had written a note on her paper. "Hearsay, your honor," he answered.

"Sustained."

And the court moved on. Will regained his seat, with a slight nod to Alicia as a thank you. While Viola continued with the witness, Will leaned over to Alicia and whispered, "You seem more focused than I am. Do you want to take the cross?"

Alicia nodded her okay. She knew she shouldn't have talked to him before court. She was unsure whether she could do better, but she trusted his judgment.

When Viola finished, Alicia stepped up to question the witness. She walked through the questions that they had planned to ask. She had just asked the second to the last question when she realized that everyone was staring at her, awkwardly. The witness, the judge, the jury, and she could only guess that the lawyers and courtroom behind her were the same. Her face felt hot. What had she missed?

The witness looked at her and said, "You just asked me that and I answered it."

While she could feel herself blushing, Alicia did all she could to act calm and collected. "My apologies," she said to the witness. She turned to the judge and told him, "No further questions, your honor," before regaining her seat.

Will said nothing. They tried to carry on the rest of the session as normal as possible.

While Viola was questioning another witness, Alicia and Will were both struggling to keep their minds on the case. They were fighting with themselves to listen to what was being asked and answered, but they couldn't keep their dilemma off their minds. Alicia was so angry with herself for such weakness. She had never been so unprofessional before. She had to be able to separate the personal and the professional. She just had to.

Just then, she noticed Carey tapping on Will's shoulder and leaning in to say something to him. Will immediately stood up and announced his objection.

"That's a little delayed, don't you think, counselor?" the judge paused with a curious look on his face. He couldn't figure out what was happening with the lawyers at the Lockhart-Gardner table. "But I will sustain," he finished.

Alicia tried not to slump in her chair. She tried not to look over at Will to see how he was absorbing all of this. She didn't turn around to look at her colleagues seated behind her. She tried to act as if nothing were wrong.

Will took his turn with this witness, fairly well from what Alicia could tell. Unable to turn her full attention to the court, she began to work on a plan for how they could make this work. They couldn't keep working this way with everything hanging over their heads.

When Will finished, Viola announced that she was finished calling witnesses. Will quickly stood and requested a continuance, on the basis that they were not expecting the opposing attorneys to conclude so quickly. The continuance was granted and court was adjourned until the next morning.

Silently, Will and Alicia collected their belongings and filed out of the courtroom. Carey approached them outside the courtroom. "What was that? What was going on in there?"

"Not now, Carey," Will muttered as he continued to walk towards exit to the courthouse.

"Will, can I have a minute," Alicia asked from behind him. He turned to her and they stepped away from the others. "Will, you need to put Carey in as second chair. I'm too distracted to help you on this right now," Alicia whispered quietly.

"Alicia, I'm not going to replace you. How would that look?" he said with a sharp tone in his voice.

"Will, you know I have never asked for anything special because of my. . .personal situation," she finished awkwardly. "And I don't want to be off of the case. But I do think that our client deserves to have someone sitting at that table that can focus on this case. And we just proved that we aren't doing that at the moment."

Will nodded in agreement. "It's been a tough day," was all he said to her before walking back to Carey. "You take over as second chair," he said roughly before walking out of the courthouse alone.

"What just happened?" Carey asked Alicia.

Alicia only offered a shrug, before she headed for the exit as well.

Back at the office, Will tried to forget their struggle in court today. He began digging through his bank records instead. When he found the date in question, his jaw dropped open. It was true. They had been at the Fairmont on September 30.

Will stood up and raced out of his office. He quickly told his assistant he was heading to lunch before he made a dash for the elevators. He needed to look through his paper records at home.

Will opened the door to his apartment, and walked by the place where they had "canoodled" that night against the wall. He made it back into the bedroom and opened his closet door. He tried not to think about having his way with her on his bed. Instead, he pulled out a cardboard box and set in on the bed to begin sorting the contents.

He made it a ways down the stack of unsorted papers before he reached October. He slowed his search and carefully sifted through the sheets of paper, looking for his original bill from the Fairmont. If he had it, then there was some sort of foul play involved with the supposed copy this reporter had in her hands. There, underneath random receipts and other hotel bills, he found it.

Fairmont Hotel, Chicago, Illinois. September 30, 2011. William P. Gardner.

He let out the breath that he'd been holding. What this reporter was saying was true. Maybe her copy was a fake. Maybe not, but it wasn't his copy. No one had gotten a hold of his original copy. He went back to work, bringing the original copy along with him.

Arriving back on the 28th floor, he went straight to Alicia's office. She sat at her desk, so he knocked on the door and entered. He dropped himself into a chair. "Ok, so I had a chance to look through my records." He took a deep breath, knowing that this would hurt her. "It's true. We were at the Fairmont on September 30. I have the original bill, so I'm not sure where Mandy Post would have gotten her copy. Maybe it's a fake, I don't know, but we were there on that date." He held out the file folder containing the original bill from the Fairmont. When she didn't reach out to take it from him, he gently placed it on her desk.

Alicia was lost in her own thoughts. She could see her life beginning to fall apart. She was watching it happen before her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She looked at Will and the words she was thinking but couldn't bring herself to say just came out. "You're sure it was us? There wasn't someone else? Could you have been with someone else?"

Her eyes told him that she was desperate, that she was grasping at any hope she could find. He tried not to sound too hurt as he answered, "No, there was only you, Alicia. I wasn't with anyone else while we were together. I couldn't do that to you." His words trailed off at the end, as he turned down to look at his hands folded in his lap.

Alicia nodded absently. This was real. This was happening. She brought both of her hands to her face, covering her mouth. She fought back the tears with everything she had. Will looked up to see her shoulders shaking with the effort of containing her emotions. She was turning around in her desk chair to face the windows. She didn't want anyone to see how upset she was.

Will could feel his heart shattering into a thousand pieces. He couldn't believe that she was hurting this much because of him. Will stood and walked to the side of the chair. He reached out and touched her shoulder, saying her name. She pulled away from him and shook her head.

"Just go, Will," she managed to say. "Just go." Her last words came out in a whisper. He turned and walked from her office, shutting the door behind him.


	7. Chapter 7

_If these were my characters, you'd see this happening on Sunday night. . . so they're not my characters, just my playmates!_

Will used any excuse he could to linger outside Alicia's office the rest of the day. Anytime he was able, he distracted others from going to see her, saying he'd take care of whatever it was they needed from her. She didn't speak to him, but he was doing what he could to protect her privacy from afar.

Alicia gritted her teeth and pulled herself together. She walked from her office to Eli's and interrupted whatever work he was doing. At least he was alone. She dropped the file Will had handed her onto Eli's desk.

"This is the original bill from the Fairmont on September 30. The copy Mandy Post claims she has may be a fake." Alicia's voice showed no emotion.

Eli hesitated before he asked, "So it's true?"

"Yes, Eli, it's true," she said, a hint of annoyance evident in her tone.

Eli opened the file to take a look at the paper inside. As he shut the file, he said, "Ok."

Alicia left his office, but couldn't stand the thought of going back to her office now. She decided that this was an appropriate enough time to take a lunch break and so she just left. She wandered through downtown for awhile, until she ended up at the lake front. It was windy, but today she didn't even care. She just walked.

She gave herself a pep talk. She knew she'd need some encouragement to get through the coming days, and no one else was going to do it for her. Nobody could decide to move forward but her. Who was she? She was Alicia Florrick. The Alicia Florrick that stood strong in the face of the press. She was the Alicia Florrick who had to make the tough decisions when her family needed her leadership. She was the Alicia Florrick who had been there for her children no matter what. She was the Alicia Florrick who'd made a career for herself out of nothing in 4 short years. She was strong, and she could handle anything. She didn't know what this new scandal would bring. But today, she had her job and she needed to do it. And do it well.

Feeling better, she returned to work and kept working on their case. She was preparing witnesses for tomorrow and getting everything lined up for their court session. She was still filtering through paperwork and making notes when she looked up and realized that the world outside was growing dim. She looked around to see that the office was relatively empty, with only a few people wandering around. She stood up to stretch and decided this should be it for her today. She should go home to her family. She didn't know what could happen tomorrow, but today she had her kids waiting for her at home. She picked up her belongings and left her office.

She passed by Will's office on her way to the elevator, and saw him sitting in his favorite chair with a glass in his hand. _Some things never change_, she thought to herself. Knowing she needed to address some things, she went in silently and had a seat on his sofa.

"It's a good day for a drink, huh?" she asked with a slight smile.

He just nodded to her. "Do you want one?" he asked, gesturing to his glass.

She shook her head in refusal. "I'm about to head home," she paused for a moment to collect her thoughts. "Will, I'm sorry about earlier," she said quietly.

"Don't be," he replied quickly, with a wave of his hand, as if he were erasing away their interactions earlier in the day. "It's been a tough day, I know."

"I'm sorry that I asked you if it was us at the hotel that day. That was out of line," she stared down at the table, unable to meet his eyes.

"It's really ok. I know you have a lot at stake here." There was an awkward pause before Will said, "If there's anything I can do to help, all you have to do is say the word. You know that, right?"

Alicia nodded as she said, "Thanks, Will." The silence between them grew, but Will was determined not to let it divide them.

"Do you want to talk?" Will asked, a bit unsure if he was saying the right thing. "I mean, sometimes talking makes people feel better, right?"

Alicia breathed in deeply as she decided whether or not to do this. She searched the walls of his office for an answer. Where would this decision lead her? She had no way to know. So she dived in. "It's just. . . sometimes I sit back and wonder if this is really my life. You know, I used to have a completely different life. And I was happy. And now, I look around and I think about people like Mandy Post and I wonder if they're ever going to let me be happy again."

Will furrowed his brow, trying to follow what she was saying. She continued on, oblivious to him. "Every time it feels like I'm getting control of my life back, something comes along and knocks it all out of my hands again. And I just want it to be simple again. I want to know what I want and then make it happen. And I want it to work out the way I plan and just be happy knowing I'm living the life that I want."

Will let out a small chuckle as he said, "Does anyone ever have that?"

Alicia smiled, "I did. For awhile, that it is. Now I just feel like I'm lost in all of this. . . confusion." She glanced over at Will. "This isn't what you signed up for, is it? A crazy lady on your couch?" she grinned and moved to stand up before Will could respond. "I need to get going. We'll talk tomorrow?"

Will nodded. Alicia was leaving. He needed to say something. Anything. _I love you. I'll make you happy. Marry me_. "Goodnight Alicia."

The next morning, Alicia talked to Eli about his meeting with Mandy Post. Eli told her that the copy of the receipt that Mandy had was a duplicate of Will's original. They were identical. They couldn't refute it. Eli suspected that a hotel employee had printed a duplicate. Eli had bluffed that Mandy's story was ridiculous and all but dared her to print it. His hope was that by showing an indifference to the story Mandy would be convinced that it weren't true and that they would refute it once it was in print, which would make her look pretty foolish. Mandy was to contact Eli again that night. Until then, they were waiting.

There was still about an hour before they were due in court. Alicia needed to talk with Will about the case, so she found him in his office. After discussing their witnesses for today, Alicia moved on to Eli's conversation with Mandy.

When she finished, Will sighed. "So, we wait?"

"Yes," Alicia said with a nod.

"Ok," he answered. "I think I need to give Diane a heads up that this may be coming. She's better at handling a crisis when she has some time to prepare."

Alicia cringed. She knew that if it got out, Diane would most certainly know. But Diane was on the list of people that she preferred their secret be kept from. "How do you think she'll take it?" Alicia asked.

Will shrugged his shoulders. "She had suspicions about us, so I don't think she'll be shocked. She'll be worried about the firm and how this might impact us."

Alicia nodded her understanding. "Do what you need to do, Will."

"Thank you," he replied.

They didn't see each other again until they were in court. Will and Cary questioned the witnesses and handled the case well today. Alicia sat behind and watched, and offered her notes when needed. Overall, it was a much more successful day than the day before.

When they returned to the firm that afternoon, Will was surprised to find Diane in Eli's office. He could see that they were both upset, and Will had a pretty good idea what they were discussing. He had told Diane about their issue before heading to court. He stepped into the office and asked, "What's going on?"

"Eli is going to ruin us!" Diane spattered furiously.

"Well Diane wants me to protect the firm over my client. A client I have been serving since before I joined this firm, I might add." Eli's tone rose as he spoke.

"Ok, wait, wait, wait. Let's just calm down here," Will said. "Tell me what's going on."

"What's going on?" Diane asked, exasperated. "What's going on is that this firm is going to go under because you can't keep your pants zipped!"

Eli froze. Will glanced over to Eli, and then behind him to where Alicia had opened the door to join them. She too had seen the heated conversation and knew it was probably about her. She had heard the end of Diane's statement but she tried to pretend that she hadn't.

"I'm sorry to interrupt. I knocked, but no one heard. Eli, would you like me to sit in on this?" Alicia asked. Will had to hand it to her. When she had it together, she had it together. She was composed and calm. Not proud, in light of their circumstances, but calm.

"Yes, yes, Alicia. Sit, join the party!" Eli offered with sarcasm. Alicia shut the door behind her and found a seat.

"Ok, now really, tell me what's happening here," Will asked again.

Eli glanced around the room before asking Will, "So, you know what we're talking about here, right?"

"I can only assume, Eli," getting a bit annoyed at this point, "that you're discussing the situation that Alicia and I are in."

Diane scoffed from across the room. She had refused to sit down and was pacing along the back wall of Eli's office.

Eli continued, "Yes, that's right. We aren't sure if this will get printed or not. I'm talking to the reporter again tonight. Until we know more, we can only plan for the worst."

"Eli and I were discussing possible strategies in case this does get out," Dianne offered from her side of the room. She was decidedly more calm now, but her body language still displayed some residual anger.

"Ok then, let's hear it," Will said. Taking his lead from Alicia, he was trying to sound calm and laid back.

"Ok," Eli started, "with something like this, there are few options. If we can't deny it, the only options are to claim it was a mistake and that Alicia is back with Peter now or to claim that Alicia was pressured into the situation by her superior." Eli paused a moment as a silence sunk into the room. "Diane was less excited about that last option."

Diane chimed in now, saying, "What proof do they have that Alicia was involved? If the receipt is Will's, how would anyone know who he was with?"

Eli grimaced. "This receipt she has is identical to the original that Will had. My guess is that its a duplicate receipt printed by a hotel employee. If she's talking with someone that saw Alicia there, this could get complicated really fast. And if it goes to press and we still deny that Alicia was present, it could spark something that we don't want sparked."

"And what's that?" Diane asked impatiently.

Eli glanced back and forth between Will and Alicia. "Is there a chance that the two of you could have been seen together at any other hotels?" Eli asked them.

Will took responsibility with his answer, "Yes." He didn't look at Alicia, but continued facing Eli.

Eli rolled his eyes, and turned to Diane. "If it's going around that we're denying Alicia was at this hotel with Will, employees at other hotels might be tempted to come forward. They might come forward anyway. But if we own it, we look a whole lot better than if we deny it when they have evidence against us."

Diane sighed, "I know that it would be better for your candidate if this were a case of office politics, but that could destroy us, Eli. That could destroy you! With the delicate position this firm is already in, we're all in danger if this gets out. You need to help us protect the firm."

"Diane, this is a conversation I would never have with anyone but my client. I think the next step is to bring Peter into the conversation," Eli stated.

Alicia found her voice and said, "I'll talk to him, Eli."

Eli nodded, "Good, he needs to know what's going on."

"He doesn't know yet?" Diane asked in amazement, looking at Alicia.

Alicia shook her head and said nothing.

Diane turned to Will. "This is going to blow up in our faces," she said quietly and walked out of the office.


	8. Chapter 8

_Here is the last chapter. This has been a whirlwind week, so thank you for all of the wonderful reviews. Enjoy the story, and tonight's episode (I'm sure it'll be a good one!)_

_If you don't see this on tv tonight, you'll know I'm not writing their scripts. Not my characters, just having a little fun here!_

As Alicia drove home that night, she tried calling the State's Attorney's office again. She had only reached Peter's voice mail all day and this just wasn't the kind of thing she wanted to leave in a message. She had asked him to call her back and he never did.

With a sigh, she ended the call, got out of the car and headed toward the elevators. When she opened the door to her apartment, she was shocked to see Peter standing in her kitchen. Memories of the last time he had done this to her came flooding into her mind.

"Peter, what is it? Where are Zach and Grace?" Alicia asked with a slight tremor in her voice.

"Zach is at Neesa's doing homework and Grace is having dinner with a friend's family. We need to talk." The look on Peter's face told her everything she needed to know about what he wanted to discuss. And the hushed tone in his voice told her he was angry.

"Ok," Alicia started nervously.

Peter interrupted her, "So you condemn me for my mistakes and then run off and do the same thing?"

"Peter, let's not do this. Please!" Alicia returned weakly.

"No, Alicia, I'm tired of you calling all the shots. We're on even ground now; we've both made the same mistakes. And don't try to deny it. I know about you and Will." Peter's tone was so sharp it cut through Alicia like a blade. It also stirred up her anger.

"No Peter, what I did is not the same as what you did! I wasn't paying someone to sleep with me when I had a spouse at home in my bed. I wasn't sleeping with Will when we were together. And if we hadn't been separated, because of your 'mistakes', I wouldn't have gotten involved with Will. You can try and say this makes us even but it doesn't even come close!" Alicia spit out her words sharply, letting out all of the tension and anger that had been building up inside her for the past few days.

"Oh I must have forgotten that you always have a way to turn things around. Don't play your defense attorney games with me. You can't manipulate the truth here, Alicia." Peter's voice was raised and furious. Alicia was silently thankful that the kids weren't home.

"You want to talk about the truth? Okay, let's get it all out in the open. Who else was there besides Amber and Kalinda? How many other women have you lied to me about? When did it start? 5 years ago? 10?" Alicia knew she was letting her anger get the best of her, but at the moment, she didn't even care.

"Really, Alicia? Let's deal with the issue at hand here. You've picked the most inopportune moment to flex your independence. This is going to ruin my campaign. I probably won't win another election after this gets out."

"Peter, I know you think this is all about you, but it's not. No one can see into the future to know what the ramifications are. Don't be overly dramatic!" She paused a second to collect her thoughts. That calmed her and when she continued, she was more in control of her voice. "Peter, I was planning to tell you. That's why I called you today. How did you find out?"

"Mandy Post contacted me. She's working on her article and she has a receipt from a hotel you were at with him." Peter's voice quivered at the mention of Will. It reminded Alicia of the time he told her that Will Gardner wasn't his family. He really held a deep hatred for Will.

"Ok, Peter, I'm sorry that you found out that way. That was never my intention." Alicia's apology sounded weak even to her own ears. She hoped that Peter knew she was sincere.

"You need to tell the kids, Alicia. She's going through with this. It's coming out." Peter's voice was just above a whisper now.

Alicia followed suit. "I know," she said quietly as she nodded. "I'll tell them tonight. Peter, Eli is talking to her and is trying to prevent it from being published. I don't know if he can stop it, but he's doing everything he can."

Alicia had meant her words to be reassuring, but she could tell that Peter found them anything but reassuring just by watching his reaction. He drew up taller, his shoulders tensed and his expression was pained as he said through clenched teeth, "Eli knows about this?" He looked as if he wanted to punch something, and Alicia began to worry about the safety of her walls.

Giving a silent nod, Alicia began, "Peter I told him as soon as I knew someone was talking about us. I wanted him to be prepared to handle this if it was going to affect the campaign. I did that for you, Peter."

"Wonderful," Peter stated sarcastically. "My wife screws the guy she's been dreaming about for nearly 20 years and at least she told my campaign manager before she told me." Peter turned to leave on that note. Just before he reached the door, he looked back to her. "Alicia, I don't know what your plans are, but if this gets out and I don't get elected this time, I'll give you your divorce. You fix this, or you prepare for a divorce."

Peter slammed the door behind him, and she heard his footsteps fading away toward the elevator. For a moment, she stood shaking in the kitchen. His quiet threat echoed through her. _You fix this or you prepare for a divorce. _

Alicia walked into her bedroom and changed out of her suit. She put on jeans and a casual sweater. Then she picked up her phone to text Zach and Grace. By the time she'd had a quick bite for dinner, since she wasn't hungry now anyway, and finished a glass of wine, they had answered her. Grace would be home in half an hour. Zach wouldn't be home until later.

"Great," she muttered under her breath. She sat on the stool in the kitchen and contemplated how to break her children's hearts.

It was about 11:00 when she returned to work that night. She knew she wouldn't be sleeping and she felt compelled to get some work done on their case for tomorrow. She had talked with both Zach and Grace separately, since Zach would be home late.

Zach was mature and comforting to her. She was impressed with how he'd taken the news. He'd hugged her when she cried, and told her not to worry about it. He'd asked about the campaign, and she told him she was working on a solution.

As she'd expected, Grace had been very upset. She lectured Alicia on how adultery was a sin. Grace had asked how she could do that to Peter. Grace had cried and ran into her room. A little while later, Alicia knocked on her door and entered her room. Grace lay on her bed, facing the wall. She wouldn't talk to Alicia.

With both children in bed, she'd returned to work. At least it was quiet at this time of day. She was just getting settled at her desk, when she looked up to see Eli. He had been supposed to talk with Mandy Post again tonight, and her curiosity got the better of her. She stood and met Eli in the hallway.

"Eli, how did it go tonight?" she asked, very interested now in his response.

Eli signed. "Well, she's still planning to go through with it. The only thing I have left to try is somewhat. . ." he paused to select the word carefully, ". . . unseemly." Alicia looked at him, confused, and he continued. "She wouldn't reveal her sources. She won't tell me who is leaking to her, but she said she'd been talking to several contacts that had information about you and Will. I've got Kalinda following her. If we know who she's talking to, maybe we can dig up something on them that would convince them to quiet down. Kalinda's working on that and digging into Mandy's past as well. Blackmail wouldn't be the best way to win this, but it'd still be a win." Eli shrugged, giving her a slight smile.

"What do you think will happen?" Alicia asked him quietly.

"I have no idea yet, Alicia. I'm just getting to the bottom of this now." Eli's tone was matter of fact, but it did nothing to comfort her.

"And if it gets out?" Alicia asked, now speaking in a whisper.

"We'll talk about it. Look, we're taking this thing one step at a time. There's no way to know what will happen next. Let's just see what will happen." Eli tried to reassure her, but there was nothing he could have done at that point that she would have found reassuring.

"I've talked to my kids. They know and they'll keep quiet about it." Eli nodded along as she continued. "Peter knows. Mandy Post called him." Alicia's words were cold, unfeeling. "He's very angry. He's upset that I talked with you before coming to him. I thought you should know."

"Ok, well what did he say when you talked to him? What's he thinking?" Eli asked in earnest.

"He wants a divorce," she said, turning around in anger and walking away.

"What? Alicia! Alicia!" Eli called after her, but she never turned around. She just walked away from him.

For a couple of days, they all held their breath. No one spoke about it. No one made any assumptions one way or another. Kalinda and Eli were busy plotting, but they left Alicia, Will and Diane out of their conversations. Alicia assumed that Eli was talking to Peter, but she really had no idea.

She came to work, did her job, and went home to her children. At home, Zach was doing all he could to help her and be nice to her, while Grace froze her out. She wouldn't say anything more than single word answers to Alicia's questions.

And then, it happened. Mandy Post printed her story, and it gave glorious detail about Will and Alicia. There was speculation as to the nature of their connection, whether it was relational or professional. There were quotes from hotel employees and the total Will had paid for the Fairmont on September 30.

Alicia was removed from her cases the day it came out. Eli wanted her in his office to be prepared for their next steps. In an emergency meeting between Diane, Will, Eli, Peter and Alicia, they decided a press conference was necessary. Alicia said nothing in the meeting and what Peter said was professional. Will looked as if he wanted to be anywhere but Eli's office at that moment.

There was discussion again about what angle to take. Was it a marital mistake, or was it quid pro quo? Nothing could be agreed upon, and eventually the meeting broke up. Peter left, and Will came to Alicia in her office.

"Alicia?" he asked as he entered, using her name to ask if he could talk with her. She nodded her approval and he sat down. "Alicia, I've thought about this for awhile now, and I want you to hear what I have to say. I think you should say that I pressured you in the press conference. I want you to tell them that I made you sleep with me to protect your career."

Alicia sat up in her chair, her eyes wide, unable to believe his words. "What? Will, no! That would kill you! I can't do that to you!"

"Yes," he nodded, "you can. And I want you to. I feel terrible that you're in this mess because of me. There's not much I can do to help, but I can give you this."

"But Will, how would that work? What would happen to you?" she asked incredulously.

"Oh, I don't know. Diane and I would figure out something. If I needed to, I'd step down or resign altogether. I'll do whatever it takes to make this work for you." Will was calm, decided. This was what he wanted for her.

"But Will, I can't let you lose your career over this. You can't do it! I can't do it to you!" Alicia was close to tears, still unable to believe what he was asking of her.

"No, Alicia, I've thought about this. This way, it saves your family. I don't have any family. If we do it this way, no one will get hurt. If my career suffers, well then that's the price I have to pay. But you can save your family from further hardship. Alicia, I can build up my career again. I'll start over somewhere else if I have to. But you can't just grow another family. I want you to do this." He leaned forward in his seat, imploring her to see things his way.

She couldn't. She looked back and forth at the dead air between them, trying to make sense of his request. It made no sense. Why should he sacrifice his entire life for her? This was a decision they had both made, and it was unfair for him to take the full responsibility. "No," she spoke just as firmly as he had, confident in her decision. "No, Will, I won't do that to you. We'll get through this. It will be okay."

Will's shoulders slumped. "Alicia, why won't you let me take the blame for this? I don't want to see you hurt anymore. I can't take it." Will's tone was defeated. He was begging her to follow his plan.

"Because I don't want to see you hurt either. We'll figure this out. I'll pretend to go back to Peter for the sake of the campaign and do everything I can to help him win. I can do that for my family." Alicia was resigned to this now. She'd move in with Peter. She'd go on the campaign trail with him. They would show a united front to win this election. After that, she had no idea what would happen.

Will nodded, a blank look settled on his face. He didn't understand her. He didn't understand how she could just go back to him. How she could give up everything for him. He stood without saying a word and walked out of her office. He wanted to shut himself away for the next few weeks, a hibernation of sorts, and come out when this had all blown over.

The press conference was set up for that evening. Alicia had her stomach tied in knots at the thought of it. She was to speak first, admit her mistakes with Will and claim that she'd moved on to mend her relationship with Peter. She was to announce that she'd be reuniting her family under one roof and that they would be seeking family counseling. They would turn to their faith to heal their marriage. Alicia was sure that she'd be sitting through many sermons on the upcoming Sunday mornings and the thought made her cringe.

Peter would follow her speech with words of forgiveness and understanding. He would reiterate their commitment to making the marriage work. They would leave the stage holding hands.

Alicia hated to get up in front of people. It had been bad enough to stand at Peter's side and say nothing at their previous press conferences. Now, she had to give a speech. The election, and her marriage, hinged on making it believable. She wanted to vomit.

She could talk to a judge. In court, she had an audience of one. Thirteen in a jury trial, but she mostly spoke to the judge. She ignored the court and lawyers behind her. They were mere observers. They weren't her audience. Tonight, she would have to speak to the entire state.

She ate nothing all day and Eli kept trying to feed her. He was afraid that she would pass out on stage. She ignored his comments. She dressed for the press conference, trying to look secure and content though she was a mess of emotions inside.

She didn't see Will again that day. She tried not to think about him. She kept rehearsing her speech over and over in her mind. "I want to begin by thanking you all for coming this evening. As you've heard, I've made mistakes. I've made decisions that have impacted my family. But I love Peter and I'm committed to our marriage. Every marriage has its ups and downs, everyone makes mistakes. What's important is what you do with your mistakes. Peter and I have committed to learning from our mistakes and passing our lessons on to our children. . ."

Finally, the time came for her to take the stage. She and Peter climbed the stairs together. They stood on the platform in front of all the cameras and bright lights. She approached the podium and unconsciously leaned toward the microphone. Miraculously, she found her voice.

"I want to begin by thanking you all for coming this evening," she began. Her voice didn't waver. It sounded strained, but clear. She tried to sound more confident as she wiped her sweaty palms against her skirt. "As you've heard, I've made mistakes. I've made decisions that have impacted my family." Will's face flashed into her mind. His words echoed in her brain, _You can save your family. _Ironically, Peter's words remained ingrained into her mind as well, _You fix this or you prepare for a divorce_. Will's plan was unselfish and Peter's plan was completely self serving. Mentally, she cleared those thoughts from her head in order to continue.

"But I love Will. . ." she realized that she'd said that out loud too late. Her mind grew hazy, as she unconsciously repeated herself. "I'm in love with Will Gardner." She felt dizzy, but not from lack of food. She stepped back from the microphone, searching the room for an answer. Peter had stepped up to meet her and laid a hand on the small of her back. He said something to her, but she couldn't hear his words.

Regaining her senses, she stepped back to the microphone. "I'm sorry. Please excuse me," she said, obviously flustered as she fled the platform. Eli tried to stop her but she pushed him away.

Peter was at the microphone saying, "Please, you'll have to excuse my wife. This is a very trying time for our family."

Alicia didn't hear the rest of his words. She was leaving, walking away. Will would be watching the press conference. He would have heard what she said. She needed to get to him. She pulled out her phone to text him as she walked away.

She could hear Eli behind her saying to Peter, "Ok, we can play this from the lovebird angle. Make it about their romance. You can be the gallant man who steps out of the way for the sake of love and true happiness."

Alicia smiled as she hit the send key. She'd be meeting Will soon.

THE END

What do you think?


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